First Chapter

Prologue


It’s raining. It rarely rains here. But it’s okay, because this is the way it should be. No, it isn’t gloomy. Not for this, this funeral. I don’t want to be here. Being here, admitting that the person I have loved for so long is never coming home. I can’t admit to that. I don’t want to face facts. I just want to be home, sleeping in my bed, laughing about the text messages that people sent me at three in the morning; not standing here at the funeral recessional waiting for the pastor to finish, and the pallbearers to lower the casket into the ground. I want people to stop saying ‘I’m so sorry, honey.”, or, “It’s going to be okay.” Why should they be sorry? They didn’t do this. They are not responsible for this tragic death. Things are not going to be okay. They can’t tell me that unless they have an absolute guarantee that things will be okay, and as far as I know, only God has that guarantee. I don’t want to be holding this flower. It’s a thing of beauty, this flower. Not a thing that should be for the dead. No matter how beautiful this person was to me. Death needs something other than flowers. I don’t think I can handle one more look of pity. No, this is too much. I have to get out of here. I can’t breathe, I can’t…





















Tristan
1.

I knew what she was here for. I knew it before I saw the look on her face. She was here to yell. It was as simple as that. So I opened the door to welcome the yelling.
“Hey babe. How’s it going?”
“Oh, don’t you even start with me Tristan! You know why I’m here!”
“Do I? You seem upset. I would imagine that I would remember making you upset.”
“Ugh…you are such a brat! Nothing’s ringing a bell? Like the fact that you hit my boyfriend?!”
“Oh…that.”
“Yes, that. Why’d you do it? Why did you hurt him? He was bleeding and his lip was swollen, as was his eye. You’ve got about thirty seconds to explain yourself before I involve the parents!”
“Cadence, bring it down an octave, okay?”
I’m going to just pause here for a little while, so that I can explain to you what I’m looking at. The girl standing in front of me is Cadence Hobbs. She also goes by Cad, and Hobbit. Okay, so I’ve only called her Hobbit on occasion, never a good outcome with that one. She’s seventeen and shorter than me, but that’s not saying much cause I’m six-three. Anyway she’s five-ten, and she has dark brown hair, so dark it’s almost black, with red streaks throughout it. The streaks, or highlights, as she would correct me, are natural. Her mother has blonde hair and her father at one point had red hair. The brown hair gene in Cad was from her great Aunt Heather. Cad has blue eyes, like sapphires. And she’s always smiling, even if there was nothing funny said. It’s like she’s in on some secret that no one else knows of. She’s got dimples that take away from her ever looking fierce, which is why I can’t help but smile as she’s yelling at me. She’s starting to look like a chipmunk gone mad. I would say she’s beautiful, but that’s putting it lightly. And she would point out her flaws, as is custom with all teenage girls. The one thing that she’s truly insecure about is this scar above her right eyebrow. It’s not the most noticeable thing, but she’s pretty sure that it’s all people see when they look at her. Just so you know, it’s not. She’s on many sports teams, such as soccer, softball, volleyball, and she’s on the cheer team. I think she’s the captain or something like that. She’s smart, funny, sarcastic, and annoying as hell when she wants to be. But I don’t think I could imagine being without her. She’s grown up in the same neighborhood as me, her parents moved here when she was two, and since then she and I have been together. Not together in the sense that we’re dating, because as she mentioned earlier, she has a boyfriend. But I would do anything for her, and she knows it. She’s pretty much a part of my family, which is why we weren’t shocked when my mom walked into the room with her proposition.
“Cad! Honey! How’re you sweetie?”
“Cadence, stop glaring at me. It’s not like I’m gonna go beat Jackson while you’re cordial with my mother.”
“Ugh. Hey, Mrs. Phelps. Sorry.”
“What’re you sorry about honey? I’m sure Tristan deserved it.”
“Ha-ha…yeah he did.”
“What’d he do?”
“Punched my boyfriend.” she said.
“TRISTAN!”
“Yeah?”
“You punched her boyfriend! Why?”
“Because he was being disrespectful?”
Crap, I made it sound like a question. There is no doubt in my mind that Cad caught that.
“Are you asking us, you idiot?”
“Cad…”
“No! Don’t give me that look! I won’t fall for it! Stop!”
“Cadence? Beautiful, smart, funny, girl of my dreams. Please don’t be mad at me? It’s killing me that I’ve hurt you. I swore that I would never hurt you, and yet…”
“Oh for the love of all things holy. Shut up! Fine, you’re forgiven. But you need to apologize to Jackson!”
“He actually sent you over here to talk to me?”
“No! I came on my own free will. You pissed me off…so I came to yell.”
“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”
That’s when my mother finally got through to Cad.
“Honey, you’re staying for dinner. Don’t you dare refuse, you’re too skinny. I’ll make you some blueberry pancakes.”
“I really don’t want to impose.”
“Cad, shut up and make my mother happy.”
“This isn’t over!”
“I never said it was.”
It really wasn’t over, this I knew. She knew how to hold a grudge better than anyone I’d ever met.
“Would you like me to call Jackson and apologize?”
“Nah, he’s fine. He really needs to grow up.”
“He did send you over here, didn’t he?”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“Whatever. I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
“Don’t worry. I think he and I are pretty much over.”
“Why would you say that?”
“’Cause, I’ll always choose you over him, and he knows that.”
“Poor guy.”
“You know that you don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, but I thought I’d take a shot at seeming sympathetic.”
“Yeah, not really working for you. Sorry.”
“Hahaha…I love you Cad.”
“I know. Looks like I need to go break up with Jackson. What’re you up to tonight?”
“I’ve got a hot date.”
“Oh, you’re taking your mom out to dinner again?”
“Oh, you’re funny. No. I’m taking Melanie out.”
“Melanie? Oh…the new girl from cheer?”
“Yeah. Her.”
“Please tell me you’re not just going out with her because you heard she was easy.”
“What? Me? Never! I’m shocked you would even—”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you’re all high and mighty. But remember that ‘this girl is giving you a piece of her heart’—”
“’and if I break it, I break off a piece of her life.’ I know Cadence, you’ve burned those words of wisdom from your grandma into my head years ago.”
“It’s because they meant something then just as much as they mean something now!”
“I know. I won’t hurt her. I just asked her out for coffee anyway. It’s not anything bigger than that.”
“Whatever, I have to go.”
“I’ll walk you home.”
“Tristan, I live right next door.”
“Yeah? So?”
“I’ll be fine by myself.””Like I would pass up a chance to show off how much of a gentleman I am.”
“Will you even hold the door open for me?”
“Absolutely. And I’ll call you ‘madam’ and help you up the front steps, and even the steps to the second floor, right to your room.”
“Yeah, sure. I think I’ll be fine with just the front door.”
“Your wish is my command, madam.”
She looked like she was stretching, and then she suddenly lunged at me.
“Ow, ow, ow.”
“You shouldn’t have tried to hit me.”
“You shouldn’t have been sarcastic.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll be fine. You’ve never been the drama queen type, why start now?”
“Just shut up and walk me home.”
“Would you like me to carry you, madam?”
“Ugh…why am I even friends with you?”
“I ask myself how I got so lucky to meet you every single day…”
“Hahaha…bye Tristan.”
Then she got on her toes gave me the parting kiss on my forehead and walked into her house.
Things have been like this since we were five. She comes to my house, eats whatever meal seems right at that time, I walk her home, she complains about the fact that she lives right next door so my walking her isn’t necessary, we exchange ruthless banter, she stops right in front of her door, leans up, I bend down, she kisses my forehead, and I watch her walk away. It always kills me to watch her walk away. Though, she says she’ll always choose me, I can never be positive. So now you know the truth. I’m in love with her. She has my heart, and she doesn’t even know.

The Boy...

There is this guy that I have the biggest crush on. I know it seems silly to be a nineteen year old girl and say I have a crush. But this guy is so unbelievable. I’m usually great with writing, I’ve always had it to fall back on, always had the words to describe something or someone, but when it comes to him…I’m speechless. There is however a major issue at play here, he doesn’t know, actually very few people know, or at least that’s what I think is the case. With this guy, I don’t know where I stand, I’m usually able to read people, I’ve always had a good read on people that I’m around all this time. But with him, I never know. At one point he’s moody, and the next he’s thrilled with whatever is going on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m like this all the time, but I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone so similar in that area as I. Not that he and I are in a relationship, I don’t actually know how he feels towards me, but I know my feelings, and I know that if I pursue them and he feels the same, I have to worry about if it ends badly. Or, if I pursue it and he doesn’t even feel remotely the same way, I could end up heartbroken. It would then end up being really awkward between this guy and I, and I can’t stand that type of awkwardness. I know a way to test the waters, but the way to do that seems very junior high. Even in that I would have to let more people know about this guy, know his name and such, that’s more people that I have to trust to keep my secret. That’s just a few more people that I have to wonder if they’ll slip up and say something to the wrong person. I don’t want to see if he likes me through one person, who has to ask their best friend, who has to ask their ex boyfriends sister’s cousin…this isn’t really the case, but I wanted you to see how juvenile a situation I’m in. Anyone have some advice as to how to pursue this in an easy manner that doesn’t end with me crying into my blankets?

I do this to cope with crushes lol.

Charlie-looking at him you can see the darkest pair of brown eyes staring back at you. He had loved her forever, though she would never know. She wanted him, too. But he would never know. She looked to her left where he was standing, his plain white shirt pulling against a perfect set of abs that he hadn’t even worked for, on his left shoulder you could see lyrics to her favorite song tattooed on his perfectly tanned skin. When she looked back at his face she had realized that he was staring at her. He slowly made his way across the room, when he got to her he put his arm around her shoulders, it was meant to be a simple brotherly gesture, though it sparked feelings in both of them. He looked down at her, and his shaggy but maintained brown hair fell into his face, she reached up to move it out of his perfect eyes and let her hand linger on his jaw for just a moment; a slow smile crossed his face. He asked her where she wanted to go. The only place she wanted to go with him was his apartment. She would never be able to tell him that though. Instead, she asked him to take her to the concert that was happening in the coffee shop down the road…

Death of Charlie—He had to go to the mountains. He knew that would be where she was. She left him the note. It had to be her. No one else knew about their place in the mountains. Even though years had passed since they had met there to be together. A part of him even told him to stay home. He had a wife now, two kids that would want food soon. That’s the excuse he used-food. He said he would go grab some food to bring home after he got off. Instead, he got off early and started his drive up the mountains. He could just see her sitting there on the bench by the river, she was waiting for him. As he was caught up in his fantasies he didn’t notice the large rock in the middle of the road. Coming back to reality he swerved trying to miss it. His car flew off the edge of the road, coming to a final stop in between to boulders. He died with the memory of the girl he was going to meet again. Though the girl that sent him the note had been his wife, she had found out about this girl. She had set the trap. He could have died an adulterer; instead, he died with the thoughts of a girl whom he had once loved and will never love again.